Chapter 15

In times of great stress or adversity, it's always best to keep busy, 

to plow your anger and your energy into something positive.  

~Lee Iacocca

Something is off and I have no idea what. 

I've been in the ophthalmology clinic for two weeks and it's a pretty relaxed environment. However, I've been feeling this looming stress recently.

So I did what I usually do when I'm stressed: clean. I clean when my anxiety and stress levels are super high. My roommates pointed it out to me some time ago. I would snap at them the day before an exam because they failed to do their chores. Shortly after I take the exam, I would go back to the apartment and got my clean on.

I usually prep myself by playing some bachata and letting the Ajax sit in the bathtub. I scrub every tile and scrutinize every crevice. Once I'm done, I stand at the doorway and admire my work of art. Today, I also wanted to clean my room so I repeated the same procedure. There's something about a clean environment that just feels like a breath of fresh air. 

Speaking of fresh air, yesterday I was really unhappy with how my body felt. I told myself I would go running at 630 am. Let's just say waking up at 730 am felt amazing. However, I wanted to follow through with the promise I made myself. After cleaning my room, I went for a run by the FDR Drive just to clear my mind and get rid of this unknown source of stress.

According to my Nike Run app, today was my longest and farthest run. I also realized I pushed myself to stop as little as possible. Those 2.6 miles went by like nothing and I feel really good (well not entirely because my knees are aching).

Lesson Learned: Often times we carry this unforeseen load of stress that can be triggered by so many different aspects of our lives. As long as we are be able unload the stress and channel that energy into something productive there's nothing wrong with a little bit of "healthy" stress.

Chapter 14

I like to keep my feet on the sidewalk.

~Joshua Homme

I've been living in the Upper East Side for a mere two weeks and I'm already fed up.

This is presumed to be the neighborhood of the wealthy, educated, well-to-doers and their respective pups.

Well let me tell you something, not even a medical degree can cover the amount of dog poop on the sidewalks. (I'm not sure if that made any sense).

I have the worst luck when it comes to poop. I can date back as far as seventh grade all the terrible accidents I've had stepping on dog poop and having a trailing scent for the rest of the day. What do you do when you're far from home, don't have a hose to apply water pressure to remove the poop or let alone napkins to somehow remove it from the intricate lines on the bottom of your sneaker? Do you go on your merry way and pretend it wasn't you? 

On my walk to work, I enjoy observing my surroundings. However, my observations have been truncated by constantly having to look down on the sidewalk to avoid poop. Literally every 6 inches there's some dog's intestinal residuals. On one of my walks, someone made the poop amusing by putting a little "waving" flag on top of it.

To add more insult to the injury, some blocks smell like dog urine. Not only do I have to focus on the sidewalk but I must also hold my breath because the scent is extremely potent and nauseating.

There are traffic police officers all over the neighborhood giving parking tickets left and right. I'm pretty sure they can multitask and give the dog walkers a summons for not picking up after their pets. I'm not going to lie, I am guilty of leaving my dog's feces on my neighbor's lawn but at least its a lawn and not all over the sidewalk. (That doesn't justify it.) This is not only a visual sore but it's not sanitary issue with plenty of ramifications. I'm sure if the dog crapped on your living room floor you would pick it up. Then why not do the same on the streets? The street cleaning vehicles don't clean the sidewalks so who's expected to clean the crap? The bottom of some innocent person's foot?

Lesson Learned: Wealth doesn't buy you hygiene, cleanliness, or class. The Upper East Side needs to get their shit together. 

Chapter 13

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

~Chili Davis

Today we celebrated my cousin's 27th birthday.

It was a bunch of women sitting at a table talking about: babies....for about 5 hours.

Just a year ago we were all sitting at the same table talking about our significant others, plans for the future, and just gossiping.

In just a matter of a year, four babies later, and four more due to arrive, we have all grown up. Our priorities have shifted, our outings are limited and so are our cocktails.

Three (including me) of eight are not pregnant or have children.

Which is a new experience for me.

I don't have much biological family in USA so I never got to meet many of my "blood" cousins's offsprings and now suddenly all these babies creeped up on me. It's seeing beauty in a new light: cuteness in a 1 month old farting, a 1.5 year old always telling me no, or a 2 year old who kindly gives you an item placed on a chair so she can have a seat.

We've grown up.

Which is not a bad thing, I guess but at times I get nostalgic of the good times when time used to go by slower, money was never a problem and laughter was in abundance.

The three of us guesstimated that in next 5-8 years perhaps we'll contemplate having a child. Which then got me thinking, much of our generation obsesses with planning.

We plan trips, education, children, our whole freaking life but sometimes we need to add some spontaneity and break free from the rigidity. Its good to be prepared but not overly prepared. If things always go as planned, we won't know how to respond when they don't go in accordance to our timeline. We're at a stage where even the most natural gift women possess, childbirth, is now planned.

Much of my life has been planned and I must admit it's quite lackluster. The unknown frightens me. Not being able to control an aspect of my life just makes me nervous. If it wasn't for the unforeseen failures or life's pleasant (and not so pleasant) surprises, I wouldn't be able to say with confidence that I can react decently when a curveball gets thrown at me. Although I believe my whole world is crashing when I get thrown off course, I convince myself some good will come out of it.

Lesson Learned: We'll never be ready for the next step if we keep prepping and not move forward from this grand"plan". As much as we find successes in completing tasks according to plan, we should also be willing to accept new, unpremeditated challenges as the process of growing up.

Chapter 12

Wise men don't need advice. Fools won't take it.

~Benjamin Franklin

I love shopping and I'm really observant.

Often times, I just zone out at gatherings and just watch people. There's just something so interesting about observing people in their element.

I was in the jewelry section of Loehmman's when a young girl tripped. She was running around, screaming but as a true New Yorker, I was able to ignore her shrieks. However, once she tripped I snapped out and was concerned. When a child falls, you wait for those longest seconds to see whether the child reacts with laughter or cry of death. This rugrat got up and resumed her running as if nothing happened.

She only had one shoe on and her older sister stepped on a stocking. Another bystander told the girl to be careful but this wild child wasn't having it. Once this bystander commented to the child, out comes the mom. The bystander, white perhaps American woman, was telling this mother how it's dangerous for the little girl to be running around especially in her stockings. And this is where it gets interesting.

The mother of European descent in a thick accent explains to this American woman that she cannot control her three and a half year old daughter. She states she cannot yell at her or beat her. The American woman was puzzled and replied to the lady "What?! I'm not going to get in to this but you are the parent, she has to listen to you."

This mother goes on to explain that there's nothing she can do for this child, she just allows her to do whatever she wants and if she gets hurts then she'll learn.

As all this is going on, I'm hiding behind the sunglasses eavesdropping thinking what I would've done with this kid.

Everyone has their two cents on how a child should be raised. Do I agree with this nut case of a mom? Absolutely not but I'm not going to give her a lecture on parenting in the middle of Loehmann's. The poor mother looked disheveled, exhausted and defeated. Who knows what she's going through? Do we just fault the child for being in that "difficult stage" or fault the mother for poor parenting? What do we even coin as "good parenting", a relative term?

Lesson Learned: Sometimes it's best to just ignore what's going on around you. As many good intentions you have, we have to learn when is an appropriate time to dish out advice and how receptive the audience is.

Chapter 11

I don't believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers. 

It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage. 

Sisterhood and brotherhood is a condition people have to work at.

~Maya Angelou

My brother is a test question.

On every cardiac exam I've taken, my brother's heart condition doesn't fail to make an appearance.

He was diagnosed with Wolff Parkinson White at a young age. Because he was so delicate and we couldn't agitate him, he was treated differently which led to being spoiled.

My brother has a complex personality. He's a constant tug of war of opposites. He's an intelligent young adult who has this facade of a lazy thug. He's a sweetheart who pretends to be a player. He splurges on high end products when he's a product of middle class.

At one point, my brother and I couldn't stand the sight of one another. We would fight, bash each other against the wall and wish the other would just disappear. Presently, we've reached a happy medium where we enjoy each other's company, vent our emotions and have sporadic conversations about life. He encourages and pushes me to reach my goals. However, when I try to suggest weight loss or not buying Louis Vuitton, he throws the ball right back and tells me to focus on my own goals.

Not everyone understands my brother . Actually, not everyone takes the time to understand my brother. Instead they fixate on his negatives and criticize my mother's parenting skills.

As my brother picked me up today and drove my car, I was just in awe how quickly he grew up. Here I am yelling at Junior about his reckless driving and he's yelling back that I'm just like mami. With him I learned the art of compromise. I can't impose my views much less measure his success against mine. We may have been born from the same parents, grew up in the same neighborhood, went to the same school but our life experiences are vastly different. I can't expect him to do things my way, my parent's way or any other person's way. I accepted his way.

Lesson Learned: Teenagers are complicated (duh!). You need to constantly play tug of war until a balance is met. As much as you only wish the best for them, they need to learn from their own mistakes. Let them have some independence but of course with firm guidance. You can only learn to ride a bicycle by taking off the training wheels and being there for them when they fall.

Chapter 10

Time and health are two previous assets that we don't recognize until they have been depleted.

~Denis Waitley

I'm exhausted. Not from working all day but from exercising today. Unintentionally.

It must've been written in the stars for me that today my fitness was to be tested.

I decided to hang my scarf on my bookbag because the day looked warm. Once I stepped outside, walked to the corner, I concluded that it was a little brisk and I should wear my scarf. I go to reach for my scarf and its not there. It must've fallen on the stairs. I proceed to walk back to my building and wished it was on the 1st floor. Now, I live on a 5th floor of a walkup building. Every afternoon, I dread going home because I have to climb those steps. My scarf isn't on the 1st floor or the 2nd or the 3rd or the 4th. It fell right outside my freaking door. I picked it up, shook my head, and chuckled.

After work, I decided to pick up dinner from one of my favorite restaurants. It was just 5 blocks away from my apartment. The hospital is already 15 blocks away from my apartment so 5 blocks is no biggie. On my way there, I received a message that I needed to go back to the hospital for a meeting. By this time, my feet were throbbing and I was pooped so I took a cab back. However, I trekked the walk back home, again. Today I walked 50 blocks. Doesn't seem like a lot but when you're wearing Steve Madden Intyce boots, boy do your feet feel the heat.

In my short lifetime, I have gone through so many exercise regimens. I may just be the most fit, chunkiest person you've met. I've tried Bikram Yoga (hot yoga), Capoiera, spin class, kickboxing, Barry's Bootcamp, Bally's and Lucille Roberts. I've paid for a nutritionist (which was successful for a small amount of time), done the Special K diet, drank only water. You name it, I've probably done it.

This year I've committed to an overall healthier lifestyle. So what if I walked a bunch of extra blocks or went up another set of 5 flight of stairs. This can only benefit me. I've also took up the 30 day green smoothie challenge, something I see myself doing beyond the 30 days because I honestly feel better drinking it.

Working in the hospital, I've witnessed so many regretful faces when they are diagnosed with malignancies or chronic illnesses due to disregard of overall health. We pollute our lungs with smoke, abuse our liver with alcohol, dirty our veins with drug use, clog our arteries with fast food, and never do we think about the consequences. Yea, we shoulda, woulda coulda, but we didn't. It's time we get serious about this borrowed body we have and do good to it because once health is gone, it's gone forever.

Lesson Learned: Don't push back what you can do now. Create small, tangible goals that works towards one large one. Our bodies can only handle but so much abuse until our luck runs out.

Chapter 9

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

-Mignon McLaughlin

My parents are old school in every aspect you can imagine.

Boyfriend can't stay past 11 pm unless its a Friday or Saturday, can't invite guests unannounced because the fridge has to be stocked, or you have to say "con permiso" if you'd like to talk to them while they're on the phone.

Their marriage is pretty old school too or maybe my dad is inattentive. If and when my dad has a craving for calamari, he'll invite my mom to his favorite restaurant and that's the extent to quality, alone time I've seen my parents spend. I can't blame them entirely because this economy has my dad slaving at his own bodega. However, that is no excuse as to why I've been purchasing gifts for my mother from my father since elementary school.

Today I received an email for the presale of the Marc Anthony concert. My dad wants to see a Nets game at the Barclays and my mother wanted to go to a Marco Antonio Solis so I decided why not modify the two wishes and have them go to a Marc Anthony concert at the Barclay's! I bought them two floor seat tickets (just FYI, if you don't want to tumble like ragweed, I'd suggest not sitting in the nosebleeds at the Barclay's) for the day after Valentine's and I'm sure my dad will take the credit as this being his idea. It'll be a romantic concert with an amazing singer that'll give them the opportunity to not only share their love of music but share quality time together. 

I've noticed that in order for things to happen at my house I have to impose them. Both my parents get caught up with their jobs that at times I think they forget they're humans and not only do we have to allow our bodies to rest but we need to nourish our relationships, create hobbies and interests to allow our minds to decompress. Habits can be easily created but difficult to break so if we're constantly in this vicious cycle of all work no play, we tend to forget the things that matter most. It's not the house, the car, the money. It's the underlying love, the fruit of the marriage, that made it possible for all that to happen. 

Lesson Learned: If in a relationship or marriage, make sure to dedicate some time to your spouse/significant other. Go on dates, it can be as simple as walking in the park and just communicating. Remind yourselves why you fell in love with the person in the first place. During your time together, forget the worries and focus on fortifying your love.