Chapter 14

I like to keep my feet on the sidewalk.

~Joshua Homme

I've been living in the Upper East Side for a mere two weeks and I'm already fed up.

This is presumed to be the neighborhood of the wealthy, educated, well-to-doers and their respective pups.

Well let me tell you something, not even a medical degree can cover the amount of dog poop on the sidewalks. (I'm not sure if that made any sense).

I have the worst luck when it comes to poop. I can date back as far as seventh grade all the terrible accidents I've had stepping on dog poop and having a trailing scent for the rest of the day. What do you do when you're far from home, don't have a hose to apply water pressure to remove the poop or let alone napkins to somehow remove it from the intricate lines on the bottom of your sneaker? Do you go on your merry way and pretend it wasn't you? 

On my walk to work, I enjoy observing my surroundings. However, my observations have been truncated by constantly having to look down on the sidewalk to avoid poop. Literally every 6 inches there's some dog's intestinal residuals. On one of my walks, someone made the poop amusing by putting a little "waving" flag on top of it.

To add more insult to the injury, some blocks smell like dog urine. Not only do I have to focus on the sidewalk but I must also hold my breath because the scent is extremely potent and nauseating.

There are traffic police officers all over the neighborhood giving parking tickets left and right. I'm pretty sure they can multitask and give the dog walkers a summons for not picking up after their pets. I'm not going to lie, I am guilty of leaving my dog's feces on my neighbor's lawn but at least its a lawn and not all over the sidewalk. (That doesn't justify it.) This is not only a visual sore but it's not sanitary issue with plenty of ramifications. I'm sure if the dog crapped on your living room floor you would pick it up. Then why not do the same on the streets? The street cleaning vehicles don't clean the sidewalks so who's expected to clean the crap? The bottom of some innocent person's foot?

Lesson Learned: Wealth doesn't buy you hygiene, cleanliness, or class. The Upper East Side needs to get their shit together.